Shrine
by Ferdykins
Summary: A funny little short story about Lex's obssession with Clark. Ever wonder how he got that huge picture of Clark he once hung in the "Clark Shrine"? Read this and you just might find out! Very mild slash inferences


Shrine

Lex Luthor cluthces a glass of orange juice surveying the large room in the west wing of the Luthor Mansion. He takes a sip, a devilish grin creeping across his lips, a sparkle in his normally cold green eyes. 

Darius, Lex's assistant, is perched atop a step ladder, his large form tinkering atop the flimsy piece of metal. He is on his tiptoes, stretching to screw a hook into the ceiling. He secures it into place, his feet settling back on the top of the ladder, his hand freeing the object he had nestled in his palm. A tiny bullet fragment bounces on the end of the invisible monafilament line hooked into the ceiling. 

"A little higher" Lex says, his hand gesturing about a half an inch. 

Darius rolls his eyes out of Lex's view, reaching back up to the ceiling, pulling the line up a bit. He ties it off a little shorter at the ceiling. Still balancing upon the ladder he calls out "What's the difference?" 

"It has to be perfect" Lex says, grinning as he takes another sip. 

Darius sighs with frustration and climbs back down the ladder. 

"The rest are in here" Lex says, handing Darius a ornate metal box he picked up from the table. "Follow the diagram schematic I gave you earlier. They must be hung precisely." 

Lex walks over to single hanging fragment, and he delicately fingers it, his grin widening. 

"Is this what you got rid of the indoor swimming pool for?" Darius asks, his eyes wide with wonder. 

"We didn't need an indoor swimming pool!" Lex says, slamming down his glass onto the table. "I've got to go out for a little while, I expect this to be perfect when I return." Lex turns, leaving the room. 

Darius opens the box, revealing eleven more bullet fragments. He looks over at the diagram on the table, its incredible detail outlined with four hi-lighted colors. He sighs under his breath "I needed the damn swimming pool." 

Lex's car speeds into the parking lot of Kinko's on two wheels. The street lights flicker eerily, setting the tone for this odd midnight purchase. He reaches over into his glove compartment, pulling out a trucker hat with attached hair, very similar to that of Billy Ray Cyrus. He puts it on, firmly securing it into place, looking into the rearview mirror of his car. The hat's iron on logo is peeled and craked, but the saying is still evident: Achy Breaky Heart. He leans over picks up a pair of dark sunglasses from the glove compartment, putting them on. 

He climbs out of his car, clutching a bundle of photos in a one-hour photo sleeve. He is uncharacteristically dressed in a purple plaid flannel shirt, tight fitting blue jeans, and boots. He is hardly recognizable except for the 10,000 rolex around his wrist. 

He swaggers into the store, commanding the attention of a plump, goateed worker wearing a shirt bearing a spacecraft and the words "I want to believe." 

"Nice shirt," Lex attempts to be nonchalant. 

"Nice hair." 

Lex chews on the response, deciding to let it go. "I have a big job for you. And, when I say big, I mean big." 

"Oh, I'm sure you do." 

"You do photo enlargements here, right?" 

"There's a conveniently located self-service enlargement machine right over there. You'll notice there's a sign, printed on shiny yellow paper that says 'Self-Service enlargement.'" 

Luckily, for this task, Lex has ample patience. "I did notice the machine, as well as the attractive sign, which I'm sure by your tone, you created." 

The Kinko's Kid licks his teeth. 

"However, when I say this is a big job, I'm not referring to its importance, although I deem this very important. I am referring to its sheer size." 

"You need a big picture?" 

"Ah, I see that all of those Community College courses did not go to waste on you." 

"You're the boss, Billy Ray. How immense of a job are we referring to? Poster size?" 

"For a normal person, that would do. But, I, my friend, am far from a normal person." 

"You don't say." 

"I have a light board, one specially made in Metropolis for this very display, and I need a picture that fits it perfectly." 

"How posh of you. May I ask, if you had the light box made in metropolis, why are you darkening my door?" 

"I like to spread the wealth, boosting the economy, if you will." 

"If I have to," the Kinko's Kid's enthusiasm for the project is waining. 

Lex senses this, as any good businessman would, and decides it's time to reveal his purpose. He places his stack of photos on the counter. 

"Can you handle the job?" 

"Which picture is it you want?" 

Lex smiles eagerly. "Well, I haven't quite decided." He pulls out two earmarked with post it notes. "Now, I particularly like how this one brings out the shine in his hair, but this one he has a certain, I don't even know how to say it, but his smile here just glows goodness." 

"You're pulling my leg, aren't you?" 

"I promise you, there is no extremity yanking going on. I told you, this is a very important, special project." 

"Sure thing, cowboy. Yee-haw." The Kinko's Kid carelessly grabs one of the pictures. 

"Wait, wait, wait. Why did you choose that one?" 

"Honestly? Proximity." 

"Just for that, I want you to do the other one." 

"The smile one? Are you sure you can handle the shining...goodness?" 

"I'd like it four feet by four feet. High gloss." 

"I'll have to crop it, but I won't touch the pretty face." 

"I appreciate your professionalism." Lex scratches his head, the wig shifting back and forth badly. 

"Is there anything else?" 

"Is there another Kinko's nearby? Like I said, I want to spread the wealth." 

"Sadly for me, no." 

Lex sighs in disappointment. "Then, we're going to have to work out a collage. You see these three pictures?" 

Lex is seated at his desk playing Tetris on his laptop. The phone rings, he finishes his block placement, grabbing the phone with his free hand. 

"Hello?" He answers with sullen tone. "It's ready! Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I'll be right over to pick them up." He jumps up, shutting the computer, boucning on air. 

Billy Ray Luthor comes out of the Kinko's, struggling to carry the enormous wrapped packages. He pops the trunk open with his keyring remote, revealing a space far too tiny for what he holds in his arms. 

"Awe Shhhii...!" 

Lex swirls the silk handkerchief over the spotless glass protecting his trophy. The four feet by four feet picture of Clark hangs in close proximity to the bullets with a high beam up light shining on it. Next to this light box, is a collage of Martha and Jonathan, but nestled above them are three repetitive pictures of Clark, the other second place picture, of course. 

"Perfect," Lex shines. 

Darius runs by behind him, a small parasite chasing him. Lex sighs, "Get the jar, Darius, get the damn jar!" 


End file.
